All the sadness and drama that you have experienced in your life has been rooted in making assumptions and taking things in person. Don Miguel Ruiz The way to avoid guesses is to make a conscious effort to find the quieter space in our minds. “If we go further, if we find a place between thoughts — this inner silence — we will see that we can really control our thoughts and that we can create that silence within ourselves,” Ruiz says. “I think women make that mistake in relationships, in all kinds of relationships,” Oprah says. “You think that person needs to know how you feel or what you think.” Making assumptions is simply an invitation to problems, especially in our own relationships. How many conflicts have erupted in families between children and parents, between men and women on the basis of assumptions? Our control heads want to know the answers all the time, so if you don`t have the facts at your fingertips, we let the chimpanzee out to fill the void. Making assumptions, and then taking them personally, is the beginning of hell in this world. Almost all of our conflicts are based on that, and it`s easy to understand why. Focus your attention on your assumptions. Trying to read a person`s mind, looking for the meaning of what someone is doing/saying or not getting the answer you expect, are all good clues. Every time you take a hypothesis yourself, write it down in your diary.
Here too, it is important to do so without judgment. In this exercise, it`s about increasing your awareness, so don`t mess with the assumptions you make; It is a model that you have developed for many years. When Oprah reads “The Four Agreements” in an episode of “Super Soul Sunday,” she quotes Ruiz`s words: “We make all kinds of assumptions because we don`t have the courage to ask questions. We assume that everyone sees life the way we do. With clear communication, all your relationships will change, not just with your partner, but with everyone else. You don`t have to make assumptions, because everything becomes so clear. That`s what I want; That`s what you want. If we communicate in this way, our word becomes beyond reproach. If everyone could communicate in this way, with an insurmountable word, there would be no wars, no violence, no misunderstandings. All human problems would be solved if we only had good clear communication.
I read a book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and an entire chapter was devoted to raising awareness of our tendencies to the hypothesis. The chapter is called “Don`t Make Assumptions.” People have to explain and justify everything; We need knowledge, and we make assumptions to meet our need to know. We don`t care if the knowledge is true or not. Truth or fiction, we believe 100% in what we believe, and we continue to believe it because only knowledge makes us safe. There are so many things that the mind cannot explain; We have all these questions that need to be answered. But instead of asking questions when we don`t know something, we make all kinds of assumptions. If we only ask questions, we do not have to make assumptions. It`s always better to ask and be clear. “We assume that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel what we feel, judge how we judge, and abuse the way we abuse.